RE-EMERGING
Since the death of my mum, I have felt raw, quiet and private. I haven’t felt like sharing and I've been unable to navigate any feedback from others about how I should be grieving.
It felt right, I gave myself full permission to hide away, it’s appropriate in this situation.
When mum was sick she required 24/7 care which was spread between my brother, my dad and an entire care team. It was many people's full-time existence to take care of her. It’s almost impossible to explain what was required. She was unable to move, unable to eat, unable to speak, unable to toilet with 100% cognitive awareness. Can you imagine? It was mortifying every time I stepped into the room, that someone so powerful, so active, such a leader and the glue in so many friendship-groups and definitely our family. She held us all together even when she was completely incapacitated. We were led by her, her body language and her expressions and exhaled when we received a wry smile or a thumbs up (what I wouldn’t give to see another thumbs up). The next phase of her decline is something I still can’t speak of, enormously traumatic for all of us.
I used to comfort myself with the feeling that we would never be apart, that our relationship would just be different, our connection would be there but different. Then she passed. I felt her around for about 24 hours then GONE. Nothing. Nada.
Enter a pit-of-the-stomach deep-deep loss. OMG, I never could have imagined that. I have never felt that before, it was overwhelming. It put me on my ass.
And ever since that moment I have been searching to fill the void with my own happiness, joy and presence. It’s like mum shined a light on all my holes and now I’m relearning about all the things that fill me up. I’m going to start a series of posts here on what’s filling me up right now - in the hope that it helps or inspires someone else’s healing or self-discovery.
But I’m also writing this to say that I’m re-emerging, more powerful than ever (with intermittent dives under the covers again to feel all the feelings). I’m stronger, more me, and it’s reflecting in the results I’m having with my patients. I have a whole new dimension available to me.
If you need some help re-aligning with your health, preparing your body for baby, modulating your hormones, or just getting more aligned I would love to serve you, I’m here, back in action with new wings and some exciting new offerings to help increase your vibration too!
For appointments please click HERE. I look forward to seeing you soon!